Fourth Week of Advent – Some Ideas

The Angel appears to Joseph revealing that Mary's baby was conceived by the Holy Spirit.

This is part of month long series on celebrating advent in your home.  For an introduction please read, What is Advent?

The traditions described here center around the lighting of the Advent wreath, scripture readings, and a few suggested activities. Do you have ideas to share? Please be sure to post a comment.

Advent Week #4

Introduction: I don’t think we can begin to imagine the shame that having a child out of wedlock would have meant to Mary and those around her. In middle eastern culture’s shame affected not only the guilty party, but their entire family.  Who would believe that Mary was pregnant and yet still a virgin? Joseph, in order to maintain his standing in the community, would have to break off his engagement to Mary.  If he goes ahead with the wedding, Mary’s shame is now his shame. The community would forever consider Joseph to be an unrighteous man. Breaking the engagement or “putting her away” was the only possibility. There was also a social expectation that Joseph publicly shame Mary in order to preserve his own reputation.  But Joseph truly loves her as this week’s story will reveal.

Theme: Waiting for a King: Joseph’s Story

Reading: Matthew 1:18-25

Discussion: Joseph does not know that Mary has become pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit at the beginning of the story.  All he knows is that Mary is pregnant and that he is not the father. How do you know that Joseph is a good man and truly loves Mary? What is he willing to do for Mary and why? In the end, Joseph decides to go ahead and marry Mary at great risk to his own reputation. Why does he change his mind?

Is there anyone you know that if you were their friend, it would make you look bad? What would it take for you be kind to them? What do you think it took for Joseph to make Mary his wife? What crazy message did Joseph have the faith to believe? Why would trusting God make his life harder? So why did he do it?

The key thing to bring out in the discussion is that Joseph’s courage is rooted in what he knew and believed about God. The God Joseph trusted had the power to bring a miracle baby into the world, save the world from their sins, and was faithful to bring about all that He promised. It is good to admire Joseph for this faith and courage, but the most important point of this story is the power and faithfulness of God to keep all of his promises.

Activities:

• Make a word search out of the words in Matthew 1:18-25. Add words that describe Joseph (courage, faith, loving, etc.).  Add words that describe God in this story (powerful, faithful, Savior, etc.).  As the kids finish up talk about what made Joseph such a good man and God such an awesome God.
• Have a discussion about people in our communities who are despised and unloved as Mary and Joseph would have been for having a baby before they were married. (Some ideas: the homeless, ‘druggie kids’, teenage moms, …)  How should we treat people that no one else likes? What if they are different than Mary and Joseph and their shame comes from something wrong that they did (such as drugs, or getting pregnant out of wedlock)? Pray for the people you talked about by name and talk about simple ways you can show them kindness.
• We’d love to hear about your activity ideas! Post them as a comment.

Third Week of Advent – Some Ideas

Mary learns from the angel that she is pregnant with Jesus, the Son of God

This is part of month long series on celebrating advent in your home.  For an introduction please read, What is Advent?

The traditions described here center around the lighting of the Advent wreath, scripture readings, and a few suggested activities. Do you have ideas to share? Please be sure to post a comment.

Advent Week #3

Introduction: Mary was most likely a teenager, no more than 14 years old when she heard the startling news that she would become the mother of the Son of God through the power of the Holy Spirit.  It is a poor, insignificant, young woman who is now entrusted with the most sacred mission ever given to a human being. In the Bible, it is always the small, the weak, and unnoticed who get cast in the role of hero.  Mary, to me, is the greatest Biblical hero, outside of Jesus.

Theme: Waiting for a King: Mary’s Story

Reading: Luke 1:26-45

Discussion: In Mary’s day, if a girl got pregnant without being married, it probably ruined her life. No one would want to marry her. No one would want to be her friend. Can you imagine how scared Mary must have been? How does Mary demonstrate that she is a courageous young woman with great faith in God? Mary may have had more faith and courage than anyone in the Christmas story.

Reading: Luke 1:46-56

Discussion: Sometimes when people are really happy, they sing as Mary does here.  What has God done for Mary? Think about it, we are part of that story today.  Mary looked into the future and realized that people years later would call her blessed.  That is what we are doing right now, remembering and celebrating her great faith! What will God do for the humble, the poor, and the hungry through Mary’s baby? What will happen to rulers (like King Herod) and the rich? Some say that Jesus came to turn the “world upside down.”  What do you think that means?

Light the Advent Wreath

Song: What child is this?

What Child is this who, laid to rest
On Mary’s lap is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet,
While shepherds watch are keeping?
This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing;
Haste, haste, to bring Him laud,
The Babe, the Son of Mary.

Activities

• My friend Daryl Breda runs a local crisis pregnancy center in Fall River called A Woman’s Concern. Take a baby bottle and fill it this week with loose change and donate the money to this ministry, or give them a  call at 508-646-2665 to find out how your family could volunteer and help out a struggling young mother.
• Draw a picture of the Angel appearing to Mary (Luke 1:26-34).
• Make an angel ornament [We'll be posting directions soon].
• Other activity ideas? Post your idea by adding a comment.

Daily Bible Readings:  Here are some Bible readings you can share with your family during the week that go into more detail about this week’s story.

• Isaiah 7:1-14.  The original prophecy concerning Mary.  Mary was the “virgin who will be with child” and Jesus was the son “Immanuel” which in Hebrew means “God with us.”
• The Angel Gabriel was a chief angel and shows up at important times in the Bible.  Take some time to look up each of the times this important angel shows up: Daniel 8:16; 9:21-27; Luke 1:13; 1:26; Matthew 1:20; 2:13; 2:19-20; Luke 2:9-14; 22:43; Matthew 28:2; Acts 5:19; 8:26; 10:3; 12:7; 12:23; 27:23; 1 Thessalonians 4:16

Second Week of Advent – Some Ideas

John the Baptist the prophet who prepared the way for King Jesus is born to Zechariah and Elizabeth.

This post is part of a series we are doing for Advent.  For an information read the What is Advent? post.

The following are some suggestions for celebrating Advent with your family. The ideas in this post center around the tradition of lighting the Advent wreath which is normally done on the Sundays of Advent. We’ll include scripture readings, songs, and activities to accompany the lighting of the Advent candles. I provide only a few ideas, because I’m interested in what you come up with.  Feel free to share your ideas by posting a comment on this blog.

Advent Week #2

Theme: Waiting for a Miracle Son: Zechariah’s Story

Introduction: Ever have one of those days where everything goes wrong?  Imagine living in a world where everything is wrong, and you might be able to understand the world that Zechariah lived in.  First of all, Herod was king of Judea.  Judea was supposed to be ruled by a descendant of David, the great king of Israel.  But Herod through scheming, lying, and terror had grabbed the throne.  It didn’t belong to him.  An evil man is king, while Zechariah, a righteous man suffers.  It’s all backwards and everything is wrong.  But God is ready to change things.

Reading:  Luke 1:5-25

Discussion: In Zechariah’s day, people believed that if a couple couldn’t have children it was because God was punishing them for a horrible sin.  Was that true of Zechariah and Elizabeth?  How do you think they felt about not having a child?  How do you think their neighbors thought of them?  What wonderful promise did God give Zechariah and Elizabeth?  Why do you think Zechariah had trouble believing it?  Would you believe it?  Did God keep his promise?

Reading: Luke 1:57-66

Discussion: What happens to Zechariah the moment that he writes the name of his new son?  What do the people do?

Light the Advent Wreath: Light the purple candle you lit last Sunday and an additional purple candle.

Reading: Luke 1:67-79

Discussion: Did your dad sing a song when you were born?  Maybe that’s a scary thought, but Zechariah sang this song when his son John was born.  The song thanked God for keeping his promise to send a king (a horn of salvation is a symbol for a powerful king), and it described what sort of man John would grow up to be.  What will the promised king do for Israel? What will John be like? What will he do to prepare for the coming King Jesus (the Lord in verse 76)?

Closing Thought:  Zechariah’s son John grew up to be John the Baptist.  John the Baptist called the people of Israel to get ready for the promised king by admitting their sins to God and asking for his forgiveness.  We can do the same thing.  We can make room for Jesus this year as we get ready for Christmas by confessing our sins to God, asking for his forgiveness, and asking him for the strength to live a new life.

Prayer: Take some time to pray with your family. Make room for Jesus by admitting our sins to God the Father and asking him for the power to live like King Jesus did.

Activities:

• Do a part of your preparation for Christmas.  Bake some cookies. Start decorating. Address Christmas cards.  As you work together review with your children how John the Baptist asked us to get ready for Christmas.
• Find some in your community, who, like Zechariah, is having a difficult time and is in need for God to pick them up.  Be the answer to your own prayer by sending a card, or a plate of cookies to cheer them up and remind them that God has not forgotten them.
• Pray for a group of people who are ruled by an evil ruler, just as Zechariah was ruled by and evil King Herod.  Pray that God “will rescue [them] from the hand of their enemies (Luke 1:74).

Song: 

Joy to the world, the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.

Daily Bible Readings:  Here are some Bible readings you can share with your family during the week that go into more detail about Zechariah’s miracle son, John the Baptist.

• Isaiah 40:1-5.  Isaiah prophesied that a prophet would come to prepare the way for Jesus.  John the Baptist fulfilled this promise.  He was the “voice of one calling in the desert.” (Luke 3:2-4)
• Luke 3:1-20.  John the Baptist begins his ministry.  To get ready for the promised King the people who admitted their sin were baptized – which shows they were ready to live a new life, and they changed the way they lived.  How did the people with two tunics (shirts) change?  How did the tax collectors change? How did the soldiers change? How is God asking you to change?

First Week of Advent – Some Ideas

Isaiah, one of the prophets of Advent, who foretold the coming of King Jesus.

Sunday, November 27th marks the first Sunday of Advent this year. Advent is made up of the four Sundays before Christmas and is a season of waiting and preparation. We remember what it was like to Israel to wait for their king. We prepare our hearts to receive Jesus today. We remember that we too are waiting for the return of our king Jesus. (Read What is Advent? for more background on the season of Advent.)

The following are some suggestions for celebrating Advent with your family. The ideas in this post center around the tradition of lighting the Advent wreath which is normally done on the Sundays of Advent. We’ll include scripture readings, songs, and activities to accompany the lighting of the Advent candles. I provide only a few ideas, because I’m interested in what you come up with.  Feel free to share your ideas by posting a comment on this blog.

Advent Week #1

Theme: A suffering people wait for a promised king.

Background: Isaiah 9 was written during a dark time in Israel’s history.  Their kings had failed them by leading them to sin against God by worshiping idols, gods made of wood and stone. God’s judgment was imminent. Shortly after this was written, King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon destroyed Jerusalem in 586 BC and carried off most of its inhabitants to live in a far away land. Isaiah was sent to Israel to announce this dark future, but even with God’s judgment, there is a glimmer of hope.  That hope is what we see in Isaiah 9.  A promised king, what the Jews called the Messiah (the anointed one), was going to come and save his people.

Reading: Isaiah 9:1-7.

Discussion:  Ever been promised anything but have had to wait a long time to receive it? What are you waiting and hoping for this year for Christmas? What do you think it was like for the people of Israel who saw foreign armies come destroy their cities and take them live in a far away land? How badly do you think they wanted a king? What did they hope that this king would do for them? What does Isaiah say about this new king?  What will be like?  What will he do?

Light the Advent Wreath:  Light the purple candle opposite the pink candle. (For instructions on making an advent wreath read What is Advent?.)

Advent Song:  O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

O Come, O Come Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel,

That mourns in lonely exile here,

Until the Son of God appear.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall come to thee, O Israel.

Activities: 

• Focus on a group of people who, like Israel, have had their lives destroyed by war. Discuss what it might be like for those children.  Ask what you think these children might want King Jesus to do for them. Find a catalog that gives gifts to children in poor or war-torn areas and have the children pick a gift to donate.  Samaritan’s Purse and World Vision are both organizations that provide great on-line “gifts for the poor” catalogs.
• Have the children draw pictures of the promised King in Isaiah 9.
• Do you have other activity ideas? Share them by posting a comment.

Prayer: Pray for the children of the world who really need King Jesus to come and save them.

Daily Bible Readings:  Here are some Bible readings you can share with your family during the week that go into more detail who about the promised King Jesus.

• Genesis 3:14-16.  This is the first mention of promised king in the Bible.  God announces to the Serpent (Satan), that a child of Eve  (or descendant), will destroy Satan and the evil that has corrupted the world. “You will strike his heel” (the crucifixion) and “he will crush your head” (Jesus’ death and resurrection).
• Psalm 2.  This psalm is a description of the power of our promised king Jesus.
• Daniel 7:14-15. A vision of King Jesus’ ascension from heaven’s perspective.  Notice that Jesus’ kingdom is a forever kingdom.
• 2 Samuel 7:11-14.  God promises Israel’s King David that a son (descendant) will rule over a forever kingdom.  Throughout the gospels and Christmas stories Jesus is called the “Son of David”.  
• Jeremiah 23:5-6.  Jeremiah, God’s prophet predicts that a “Son of David” will come to rule and protect God’s people.
• Micah 5:2-4.  The king promised to Israel will be born in Bethlehem.  Remember where Jesus was born?  This king will also be a shepherd, a protector for God’s people.  Do you remember when Jesus said “I am the great shepherd.”

What is Advent?

A simple Advent Wreath with three purple candles, a pink "joy" candle (3rd Sunday) and the white Christ candle (Christmas).

The end of November conjures images of Black Friday and children climbing the walls in anticipation of Christmas.  My youngest daughter is already counting down the days and we haven’t even hit Thanksgiving yet.  The questions on our children’s minds are quite simple: How long until the day comes?   What will my present be like? Will we be ready?

Advent, Latin for “coming” and the first season of the Christian Year, asks those same questions.  On the four Sundays before Christmas Day, the church remembers what it was like for the people of Israel to wait for the coming of their Messiah (the promised king would bring peace and justice to the world).  They wondered what will this Messiah would be like.  When will he come?  How can I get ready?

While we remember the past, we also realize that Jesus must come into our hearts today.  We sing about it every year.

Joy to the world the Lord has come, let earth receive her king.  Let every heart prepare him room.

Your family will be rushing around making frantic preparations for Christmas. Christmas cards and letters, purchasing gifts, preparing for Christmas parties, baking Christmas cookies, and cooking for the relatives who will be visiting. While these preparations are important, Advent invites us to stop and think. What does it mean for us to prepare room in our own lives for Jesus today?

Advent is also a look into the future. We wait for the return of King Jesus, just as Israel waited for their king. We know that the world is broken and we are waiting for the greatest gift of all, Jesus.  Imagine a gift that never wears out or breaks, but lasts forever. Advent reminds us that waiting for presents is good, but the gift of Jesus is the greatest gift of all.

The beautiful thing is that your kids are already counting down the days for Christmas.  They know what it means to wait for a special gift.  They can understand how it felt for the Israelites to ask “how long?”  You don’t have to get them into the mood for Advent.  They’re already there.

We’ll be celebrating Advent during the next four weeks at church, but we’d like to encourage you to incorporate your own Advent traditions at home.  At the center of the Advent tradition is the Advent wreath.  The most basic wreath consists of three purple candles, a pink candle, and a white candle placed in the center.  One purple candle is lit on the first Sunday of Advent.  The second Sunday a second purple candle is lit.  On the third you include the pink candle.  On the fourth the final purple candle is added.  At Christmas the white Christ candle is lit in honor of the coming of Christ.

Each week, we’ll provide you with some simple ideas for making the lighting of the Advent wreath a special event.  We’ll include scriptures to read, discussion ideas, activities, Advent carols that can be sung, and additional Bible references if you’d like to go deeper. But we don’t want this to be a one-way conversation.  What ideas do you have?  Please share them with us by posting a comment on the blog.  It is not easy to keep our families from falling into the crazy commercialism of Christmas, but together we can begin to reclaim space to remember the true gift of the Season.

Being Present

More than our money, more than gifts, our children crave our undivided attention.

You know you’re old when you start complaining about “kids these days.”  Kids these days never pay attention.  You try and carry on a conversation with them and they are texting their friend, updating their Facebook relationship status to “complicated”, all while doing a poor job of pretending that they are listening to you.

This constant state of distraction struck me the other day as I was reading a book on evangelism the other day (AKA Lost  by Jim Henderson for those who are interested.)  The book argues that more than money, or success, what people crave the most is someone’s undivided and complete attention. I think that is true, but as technology creeps out of our computer desks and entertainment centers and into our pockets in the form of smartphones, this is something that gets harder and harder to do.  Not just for the kids, but especially for me.

CS Lewis points out in his book, the Four Loves, that adults are far ruder with their own children than any other people they interact with.  I can’t begin to tell you how many times my own daughters have had to yell “… Dad …. DAD! … DAD!!!!!”, before I’ve responded. Lately, they begun to use this annoying flaw to their advantage.

Child: “Dad I can I stay up until 3:00 AM watching movies?”  Me: “Yeah sure”

Child: “Dad can I light the dog on fire?” Me: “Ok”

We would never dream of treating our boss or a good friend this way.  Yet time and time again I have missed the opportunity to communicate the love of God in a language they can understand, Dad’s undivided attention. My kids to their credit are very forgiving and usually just shake their heads and roll their eyes.  I appreciate that about them.  But this thought has occurred to me:  how can I expect them to care about what I have to say, if my distraction sends the message that I don’t care what they have say?

This has great implications when it comes to sharing the gospel.  Jesus never used the same approach as he shared the gospel with people.  Why?  Because he knew them as individuals.  I’m sure being God helped, but more importantly he listened to people.  He knew them.  He was in tune with what they needed.  To Zaccheus the tax-collecter, Jesus invited himself to dinner.  He asked the woman at the well to find her husband (she had seven and she wasn’t married to the guy she was living with).  Jesus tells her, “You’ve gone to the well seven times and you are still thirsty.  I have living water to give you and you’ll never thirst again.”  To the rich young ruler, Jesus says, “sell your possessions, give the money to the poor, and come follow me.”  Different people, and Jesus knows how to approach each one uniquely.  He’s paid attention.

I’m trying to learn how to stop, pay attention, and listen to my children.  I want them to know that they are valuable enough to deserve my undivided attention.  I want to understand how they give and receive love.  What’s important to them?  What part of the gospel will be difficult for them to believe?  How can I pray for them?  These questions can’t be answered unless we are still enough to listen.

Where does discipleship of children begin?  I believe it begins with prayer and paying attention.

Praying with Purpose

The dutiful, obedient older brother with folded hands misses the gospel and his Father's embrace. (Luke 15:11-32)

In the last two posts we’ve explored the connection between prayer and surrender. In prayer we come to grips with our powerlessness to affect change in our children. We let go of our parent dreams of happiness, safety, and success in favor of God’s more dangerous and compelling dream of using triumph, failure, joy, and sadness to mold your son or daughter into the image of Christ.  But while we surrender to God in prayer, we do not surrender our responsibility to pray with directness, specificity, and expectation.

The story of the Prodigal Son (see Luke 15:11-32) tells us that everyone has a heart motivation that drives us from God, the Father.  It exists in everyone from the openly rebellious pagan (the younger son) to the dutiful, moral religious person (the older brother).  If God’s purpose was to make moral people, then praying for your child to behave would be enough. Jesus calls us to a higher life that is more than doing the right thing.  It is living a life that is motivated by a devotion to God and a love for our neighbor.  Good deeds inspired  by a wrong heart motivation will cause us to miss the feast of God’s grace.

Here’s what I mean.  I was a dutiful son.  Not perfect. I had a real temper as my brothers and sister can attest to, but I had a real drive to meet the expectations of those around me.  That heart motivation made me a moral person.  I didn’t rebel as a teenager.  I did well in school. I had friends.  I didn’t experiment with drugs or alcohol.  I didn’t get anyone pregnant. Why? Because, I wanted my parents to be proud of me.  I wanted the admiration of my peers.

How can you pray with desperation for such a son?  What more does God want than a child who stays clean, does well in school, and is liked by his peers?  God wanted my heart.  He wanted me to do all these things because I loved Him, but I was motivated by a heart of fear. What if I fail?  What if you don’t like me?  What if you are disappointed?

Blaise Pascal the brilliant mathematician and a faithful follower of Jesus wrote:

We do not keep ourselves virtuous by our own power, but by the counterbalance of two opposing vices, just as we stay upright between two contrary winds.  Take one of these vices away and we fall into the other.

I was an upright child because my desires to be outwardly rebellious were held in check by my fear of losing approval.  But what happened when I was alone and there was no one watching?  What about those times when following Jesus means losing the approval of those whose opinions I valued?  What if sticking up for the bullied kid means earning the scorn of your friends? What if the winds change and my desire to be liked is no longer aligned with drive to be good?

How do I need prayer?  I need to hear daily the words that Jesus heard at his baptism, “this is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.”  Only when those words become real will I be able to follow in Jesus’ footsteps and live a life of devotion to God.  A life that sacrifices the self in order to live courageously for the other.  It’s more than being a nice person. I needed to know that through the gospel, my righteousness comes not from the opinions of others, but is a gift from Jesus that is received by faith.  Could you imagine how my life would be different if I actually believed that?

All children are unique, but what they have in common is a heart motivation that left alone will drive them from their Heavenly Father. My heart was driven for a desperate search for approval.  Others are driven by winning, control, popularity, being right, being free from rules, a desire to live in comfort and never do anything unpleasant, or finding a boy or girl who will satisfy their hearts.  These motivations may push your child to be “successful” or they may drive them into the pig sty of failure, but either way they are far from their true Father’s home.  God is not about making them productive members of society, but true sons and daughters who are moved by the love of God.

Take some time today and study your children.  What is it that drives my son or daughter’s heart? Ask your spouse for help and invite the Holy Spirit to show you.  As you understand your child’s heart, then begin to ask the question: “ How can the gospel speak to that heart motivation?”  ”What aspect of the gospel needs to become real to them?”  And then pray with boldness and real conviction.

Prayer: Surrendering to God’s Dreams for your Children

Jacob wrestles with the Angel of the LORD.

The are certain prayers that flow naturally out of a parent’s heart.  We want our kids to be safe.  We want them to do well in school.  We root for them to make the team.  We pray that they get into college.  We want them to have lots of friends. We hope that they find the right spouse and avoid falling for that person that reminds you too much of yourself.  We’ve all prayed prayers of self-preservation, ‘LORD change them.  Make them behave.  Make them listen to me.  Turn them away from the path of self-destruction.’ We didn’t learn these sorts of desperate prayers in a parenting class.  They are inspired by our compassion for our children and a desire to live our lives without popping heartburn medication and anti-depressants.

But what if God’s plans for our children go deeper than a life of happiness, success, safety, and good behavior?   How would that challenge the way we pray? Think about the opening words of Jesus’ prayer: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.  Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”  There is surrender in those words.  Our dreams for our children contain visions of peace, happiness, love, success, and behavior, but God’s dream is deeper, stronger, darker, but more compelling.  When we pray, we are not only acknowledging our powerlessness, we are surrendering our dreams for God’s dreams for our children.  ’Your will, not my will, be done on earth as it is in heaven.’

So what does God value more than safety, success, and happiness?  Paul captures God’s dream in Romans 8:28:

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

So what is this good that God works in all things in our lives and in the lives of our children?  Paul writes:

Romans 8:29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son …

Here is God’s dream for your child, that they become like Jesus.  The hope this passage gives us is not that God will make lemonade out of the lemons of our lives.  Rather, that God will use your child’s successes, failures, sins, triumphs, joys, and sorrows to deepen their faith and mold them into the image of God’s Son, Jesus.  The truth is, only God knows what your child needs to make this happen.

It was Peter’s public failure where he denied Christ three times that broke his heart open to God.  For Abraham, following God meant leaving his family for a far-off country from which he would never return.  Mary’s journey with God took her through the terrifying experience of a teenage pregnancy. David’s best moment came not after his triumphs, but after his greatest moral failure, his adultery with Bathsheba and the ensuing cover-up (see Psalm 51).  Jacob became a true man by wrestling with God and he walked with a limp for the rest of his life.

We surrender to God in prayer, not because we believe that he protect our children from disappointment, failure, and pain, but because we believe that God can and will work through all these struggles to make our children like Jesus.  Think of this: what if God answered our natural prayers?  What if our kids sailed through life with the perfect marriage, the successful career, and the sterling public reputation, but they were never brought to the place where they were confronted by their need for Christ?  What if they our children are so satisfied with this life, that they lose their desire for the next one?

Prayer, at its heart, is a terrifying surrender to the will of God.  It is owning God’s dreams for our children and abandoning our own. How can we take such a step of faith? Our thoughts go to the Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus prayed with sweat pouring off him like drops of blood.  He has the option of walking away from the cross, but instead he prays:

Luke 22:42 Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done.

Prayer and Powerless Parenting

Mark 4:26 This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know why.

Paul Miller in his book, A Praying Life, argues that the greatest thing a parent can do for their children is to pray for them.  I used to think that was a cop out.  I’ll resign myself to prayer because nothing else seems to be working.  I refuse to believe that I am that powerless.  But what if we are?

My greatest fear as a parent is that my children will not believe the gospel and not follow Christ.  What happens if my son and daughter comes to the end of their life without surrendering to Christ?  Then what? That question leads to these kinds of fears.  What if I am failing my kids?  Are there things I should be doing that will “make them” believe the gospel? If only I set a better example for them and wasn’t so short tempered.  Will it be my fault if they grow up to be unbelievers?

I believe these types of fears and self-doubt mask our deepest fear that we as parents are unable to control our children’s decision to believe the gospel.  Here is what Paul Miller writes about coming to that realization:

[Emily - Paul's daughter] walked a little ahead of me, so I slowed down and prayed, ‘God you have got to give Emily faith this year.  You have no choice.’  I was keenly aware of my inability to grow faith in her heart.  God just had to do it … Was this a name-it-and-claim-it-prayer? No, I wasn’t trying to control God.  I certainly wasn’t in control of Emily.  I was simply praying God’s own heart back to him.

At the heart of prayer is a surrendering to our powerlessness, not to give up, but to tap into a power source that is greater than ourselves.  I am convinced that we can not parent our kids effectively until we allow God to bring us to this place.  It is only in the place of powerlessness and desperation where true prayer can emerge.

Jesus compared the kingdom of God to a garden and gardener..  A gardener tills the soil, plants the seeds, pulls weeds, puts down fertilizer, and does pest control.  While he works hard to create the conditions  for life to flourish, the power to create life is beyond his control.  We as parents provide a stable home, model the Christian faith, correct our kids, bring them to church, teach the faith in our homes and pray with them. We do our best to create an environment to foster faith.  But the ability to create faith is no more within our grasp, than a gardener is able to coax life out of a dead seed.  We put in the effort, we pour in the love, but it is God who supplies the power.

The farmer plants the seed and tills the ground but at the end of the day he must pray to the LORD of the harvest to cause the seed to germinate and  to send the rains and the sun.  And so it is with us.  Through prayer we surrender to our powerlessness, so that by faith we might believe that God can and will channel his power through imperfect people likes us so that in our weakness we might be the gospel for our children.

It was Paul who came face to face with his powerlessness when he met Jesus on the road to Damascus.  After a lifetime of effort, Jesus asks him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me.”  (see Acts 9) In that moment self-reliant Saul died only to be resurrected as weak Paul who lived by a new and greater power.   Paul writes this of his experience.

2 Corinthians 12:19 But [God] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Could it be that parenting is our own Damascus road experience where God confronts us with our powerlessness, forces us to our knees, and moves into a new joy where we discover God’s power shining through our weakness?  Maybe that’s the point.

Parents – The Chief Repenters

John 3:19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.

If you grew up around an evangelical church like I did, you know the importance of being a witness for Jesus Christ.  The problem was that I had a warped understanding of what that meant.  It went something like this.  A witness tells a “before and after” story. Here is what I was like before I met Jesus.  Here is what I’m like after Jesus.  With a little faith, you can become like me.

I can’t begin to tell to you the enormous pressure stories like this bring.  In order to get others to buy Jesus, I had to convince them that I was so much better now.  If I performed better, then I would be a more effective witness, and more people would come to Christ.  Here’s the problem.  What do you with the fact that as a Christian you still sin … all the time?  Let me make it worse.  You can probably hide your imperfections from your neighbors, co-workers, and the people at church, but your kids? They’ve seen it all.  They know it all.  You can’t fool them. How can we convince our kids of the transforming power of Jesus to save us and change us, when they have a front row seat to all our failures? Is there a way for us to be gospel witnesses to our kids that points them to Christ and not to our moral performance?

As I read the New Testament, I am struck by the raw honesty of the apostles, the early leaders of the church.  While you can’t deny that these people were transformed by Jesus, they are quite open about their failures.

• Mark’s gospel which is a written collection of Peter’s teachings has preserved for us his colossal failures.  In one night Peter disowned Jesus three times and struck off the ear of the servant of the high priest.
• Paul was a murderer who actively persecuted the church.  And yet after his conversion and a successful missionary career he confesses to Timothy, his son in the Lord: “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance.  Christ came into the world to save sinners – of whom I AM the worst.  But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. (1 Timothy 3:15-16)

What makes Christians unique is not their sterling moral character.  The early church was filled with angry violent men like Paul and cowards like Peter.  At the same time we all know unbelievers who are gracious, considerate, and generous.  What makes a Christian, a Christian is their ability to be honest about their sin.  A Christian is someone who lives in daily dependence on God knowing that we need his forgiveness even for the great things we do for the wrong motives.

What if our testimony to our children was centered around this question: “why do I need Jesus today?”  When I remember this, I no longer give apologies like: “I’m sorry that Dad snapped at you, but when you do ________ it makes Dad angry.”  Those are apologies that desperately cling to our “before and after” stories. In effect we are telling our kids, “if it wasn’t for you, I’d be following Jesus right now.”  But imagine, if I’m able to say to my kids after striking out verbally at them in anger, “your father is an angry man and I am deeply sorry for the hurt that I caused you.  Could you tell me what it felt like to be on the receiving end of my anger so that I can better understand how desperately I need Jesus?”

“The before and after” gospel stories point to ourselves, but “here is why I need Jesus” stories cast Jesus as the hero.  What we want our kids to exclaim: “Wow, if Jesus can save people like Peter, Paul, mom and dad, he can certainly save me.”

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:8)